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NOW

A blog about writing, relationships, society, parenting and being human.

 

What Linkedin Cannot Possibly Tell You About Me

Coley Gallagher

Search for me on Linked-in and you’ll find a flattering photo and some general, rather unsatisfying information about what I’ve done with myself over the last number of years. I come off as a little evasive. I keep meaning to add my publication credits so people will take me more seriously.

Believe me, I could fill a post with things you can’t know about me from Linkedin. There’s my…

Samples of my 99 Facebook profile pics

Samples of my 99 Facebook profile pics

Reliability

I floss every night. Every blasted night.

Persistance

There is a pyramid of balled up drafts spilling out of my trash can. A couple times a week I have to stomp the crumpled balls back into the basket until I can make one of my sons empty my trash.

Timeliness

I inadvertently trained my kids to freak about being places on time, i.e., 15 minutes early.

Affability

More than one friend has told me she will leave her husband if I will leave my husband and marry her. I’d say I’m well liked.

Judgment

Have you met my husband?

Reach

Right now all my Twitter followers may be blood relatives or neighbors, however, I have a big extended family and we plan to move after our littlest graduates high school.

Relevance

My oldest son just informed me that “get coffee” is code for sex. “The new Netflix and chill,” he explained. I know a lot of teenagers.

Originality

I am a tea drinker.

Grit

My childhood. Just trust me until I finish the book.

Miscellaneous

Despite my allegiance to hard work, I have a maddening inability to walk past a penny on heads.